Late Bloomer......

That's a fairly gentle way of describing how I became who I am today, versus who I was 21 years ago. 21 years ago I was fourteen. Seems like it was 10 years ago at most and 20, please that was last week wasn't it? Nope....20 was fifteen years and I was in Pennsylvania, followed a boy there. That was a life lesson. Not to be repeated. Well not the same way, repeated a few more times but we're past that and I'm getting off the topic of the 'late bloomer' title. It doesn't signify that I am slow, have a learning disability, or was held back in school. I got into trouble, and that trouble followed me from 14 to 25. Enough trouble that while the rest of my friends were going to college and figuring out what they were going to do in life, who they were, I was busy just trying to make it through a week, a month, heck even a year. I wasn't in bad shape, I had a job, I had my friends, but I was easily led astray. I liked people to like me. I liked being the one who made everyone happy. I'm telling you right now, that's not how it's supposed to be done. Because the people I was making happy, and letting lead me astray were not nice people and my friends, who were nice people, knew better. They tried to tell me and in the end distanced themselves. They knew there would be a fall out. I didn't. The fact that I graduated from high school on schedule was probably a huge sigh of relief for my mom. But my causing trouble and being led astray wasn't over yet. However, I made it through. I distanced myself. I made some more bad choices but I also made the choice on how to fix it. That's empowering for someone who had been led around by other people. Doing things that I knew were wrong. I KNEW THEY WERE WRONG. * we are going to pause for a moment while my mom, who I know has dragged herself in from her garden to read this, pulls herself up from the floor* I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn't want to say anything that would cause the, I'm going to steal a term from my friend Megan L. and call them Rottens, that would cause the Rottens to dislike me in anyway. I had a lot of anxiety about not being liked. However that has all changed in the past 10 years. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I have a basic idea of how my life is going to be for the next 90 years. Yes, I plan to be around, still blogging at 125 years old. By then all I will have to do is think and the blog will post. Want to lead me astray now? I'll knock you down, and that, my friends is the difference between me now and me 11 years ago. The funny thing is, and I am just realizing it as I get older is, the Rottens never ever got into trouble like I did. You know why? There parents weren't around, or they didn't care. Lucky me, I had a mom who cared, I have 2 brothers who cared, and for the last 15 years I have had friends who have cared. The best part though? I care. Now, in the past 15 years I still screwed up but I knew what I was doing, I paid a big price, gave up a very big part of me, made a difference in some lives, rolled in the dirt for a while, stood up and was a completely different person. I hurt my family, I hurt my friends back in the midwest, I thought that I had hurt them enough that I understood if they would never speak to me again, regardless I was going to make a difference. I was going to become a contributing member of society. My husband helped. He was my roommate 9 years ago, saw me at my absolute worst and married me inspite/because of it. what did I learn 9 years ago? I am strong, I can survive anything, I am smart, and I don't need everyone to like me, although why they don't is a mystery, I'm a delightful person. (i suggest that if you are seeking confirmation on that you should only contact my mother. My husband would probably bring up the time I sweetly gave him a gumball after dinner from a quarter machine, he loves them and I know he does, and the gumball I chose was called a tear jerker, because it was so sour, so sour. to this day one of the funiest things I've done to him, so, if you want confirmation on my delightfulness, ask mom). What makes my life so great now? My husband, we've known each other for 10 years, lived together for 9, and this October will be married for 6. My Mom, I can't imagine a better pillar in my life. My brothers, Adam is fabulous, married to a wonderful woman and they have 2 amazing children who make me laugh all the time, my younger brother, also makes me laugh and always asks the questions out loud that no one else thinks to ask. We had moments as we were growing up but that's being siblings. My dad, we have our moments, miscommunications, but at the end of the day I always remember sitting with him, early in the morning drinking my hot chocolate that he's made for me out of a BIG coffee mug with a blue bull painted on it. Well that about covers the sappy stuff. The rest? What else keeps me moving forward and having a fabulous life? Knitting, yarn, wool, baby animals, books, I love books. If a book is written really well I can imagine myself in the story, Imagine it really happening, imagine that it's real. I know there is probably a pill for that but it probably reacts with my ADD drugs and we can't go off of those, can we JoJo? My dogs. I love them, they make me laugh every day. I can't imagine not ever having a dog. I can't forget my friends. I have great friends. They are unique, beautiful, fabulous, and each one feeds a part of me that no one else can. (kind of cannibalistic isn't it?) Megan H., Megan L. Amy C., BHLP, Jenny S, Joanne, Marcy, Lillian, Pam H. (read the intitial of the last name, H not L, those who need to know what I'm talking about). And, really, if this, none of this is every enough.....there's always beer to change the view from the knothole.



Happy Thursday!
p.s. to all my friends who weren't mentioned. Please don't be offended, I can't count past 9 after 3 Leinenkugels. However, I heart you all.

Comments

Marcy said…
Heart right back at ya!
Pixie said…
I love the photo, boxer noses are so kissable!

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