1. Two bads never ever equal a better.2. Muffins or Cupcakes I will always eat the top last. D thought it would be funny one time to teach me a lesson regarding this little nuance of my behavior, so at a party he sees my cupcake top sitting on my plate and he walks by and quick stuffs it in his mouth. He said it was to teach me a lesson, but I think we all know who learned a lesson that night.
3. While it is always to have good oral hygiene habits for both man and beast alike I would like to strongly caution you against keeping the beasts tooth paste next to your own toothpaste. Trust me when I say the beast will get much more enjoyment from your toothpaste gracing his brushes bristles than you will trying to do a massive mouthwash flush of poultry flavored peppermint paste. Learn from my mistake......
4. I always feel sorry for people who I either happen to be talking to or emailing at the moment my medication kicks in. It can't be fun, but you all are such good sports about it.
5. No one finds me as funny as I do.
6. Why do people buy expensive yarn only to knit something ugly? Do they know what they've done? Hasn't anyone ever told them that the beauty of knitting is that you can rip it out and start over with something pretty? Unless of course you chose to knit said garment with mohair or angora, then it becomes a mistake you have to live with, but I would definitely lie about who made it. Best thing to do in this situation is to sneak it down to the charity donation bin in the middle of the night (makes it harder for security cameras to identify you) and put it in the bin. Then in a couple years when you see someone wearing it you can smile knowing that you turned something ugly into a good deed.
7. If someone hurts your feelings, you'll feel a lot better telling them they did rather than trying to figure out why they did. Chances are they didn't even realize they did it.
8. I've discovered that I drink as much water, whether it be from the tap, a plastic bottle, or a can as I do from those over priced fancy marketing gimmick water bottles, yet I still continue to buy them, maybe it's the old theory that new gym shoes make you run faster so a new water bottle should make you drink more water.
9. sometimes I wonder if my office is cold enough to warrant keeping my container of yogurt sitting on it all day. I still eat it but I'm just curious.
10. Have you ever thought to yourself 'wow, this is really easy, I must be doing it wrong.'? In this line of thinking I tend to lean more to the negative end of things rather than the positive, especially when I am questioning my ability to actually pull something off. One of these days though I'll try and think to myself 'wow, you must be a freaking genius, this is so easy and you totally rock at it!' The thing to keep in mind though is that even when I talk/think to myself I do use a sarcastic tone.
11. I think that when you weigh in at a weight loss meeting that the person doing the recording of the weight should be restricted to what questions they ask you. One time I was weighing in at a meeting and instead of losing or staying the same I went up slightly, the seemingly nice goal meeting weight recording staffer looked up at me with a bit of a frown, shake of the head and I swear I heard a tsk and said 'were you expecting that?'. In truth I smile ashamedly and say no but I had a really hard week and I'm going to refocus this week. Really hard week my a$$ what's hard about going out for pizza with your girlfriends and drinking beer in a place that when you ask them if they carry that super low calorie weightloss beer they laugh at you and bring you a glass of water. Of course I was expecting that, I had a great time so obviously I'm going to pay for it. Hence my online weightloss where the only one asking questions is me and the only disapproving look I get is a smiley/frowny face depending on the weeks numbers.
12. Flashing lights on answering machines drive me batty
13. Ill behaved children send me screaming for the hills, ill behaved dogs make me laugh for hours.
14. Whenever I have to meet knew people I get so nervous that I swing to two totally different extremes. EXTREME #1: I get so excited to meet you I practically vomit my life story all over you trying to find something in common with the hope that we'll instantly become BFF's and want to do stuff together all the time, it'll be so bad that You are currently trying to figure out how to escape and file a restraining order at the same time, not only against me but your friend who thought it would be a good idea to introduce us. EXTREME #2: I am so afraid of extreme #1 happening that I turn into ubber bitch and become so aloof and distant that you question your friend on why they like me when clearly I think I'm better than everyone. In retrospect it is a pretty good screening tool for new friends, if you can get past the first few awkward emails, text messages, and know it all attitude you get me, the best part, kind of like the creme filling in the Cadbury Eggs.
15. This is my last little random thought question for the night. There is a sticker on D's race car that says Car Owner....Carmel. Clearly this is only here as a way to include me because I have none of the power that other race car owners have. If I did that car would be hot pink with pink, green, and black farmville sheep all over it with little dooboppers over them letting ya'll know it's time to shear some wool, and that's what I'd do out on that track, I'd shear some wool.
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