Saturday, January 18, 2014

knitting through the blues...



It happens right?
You bust your buns getting the shopping done.
Planning the meals you're going to serve. Meals because not everyone can get together at one time in one place for various reasons, divorce, time, family squabbles, etc. So you plan meals.
Add into the mix dogs who are sick and need to go to the vet multiple times. They are aging so you are constantly on alert to their comfort or weird behavior lest it be something serious.
You clean your house.
You check to make sure there are no dietary restrictions for any of the planned meals.
What do you forget?
You.
You forget to recharge You.
Others forget You too.
Not intentionally.
It's never intentional
It just happens
It becomes expected.

We need a little sign of appreciation in order to feel like we aren't doing it just because everyone assumes we will anyway.

By the end of the Christmas holiday season along with busting my butt with year end at the office I was drained and I myself couldn't recharge my batteries.
I've been going through a wicked period of unhappiness and general grumpiness.
I try to hide it. Really, I'm a fake it till you make it person, but even that is draining.
I wanted to be alone.
People were annoying me.
Everywhere.

I hate when I get like this because it goes against all my natural tendencies.
To give, to love everyone, to share what I have with others.

I just wanted to crawl inside a hole and just be for a while.
Just me, my knitting, my dogs. (Sorry D)

My poor husband.
No idea what I needed.
No idea why I was behaving like a hag.
No idea why I about lost my marbles when he asked what was for dinner the day after Christmas.
It's hard to express when you feel overwhelmed, unhappy, and generally angry. I don't like to show any signs of weakness or not being capable of taking on anything.
You can only hold it all in for so long though, and it's not good to hold it in.
It poured out on January 3rd.
Getting it out helps
Helps you to move forward in the right direction again.
Puts the ugly into the light. Ugly hates light. Makes it easier to dissect it and put it where it belongs.
It takes baby steps though.
little tiny baby steps.
One knit stitch at a time.

talking to mom helps too.
she's  good sounding board.

I'm better. Mostly because it pisses me off to be in a funk.

So I'm done being a  grumpy bitch and am ready to get back to me...

2 comments:

Mary said...

AND, we are going to go have fun next weekend in Allyn right at Lois' and we'll stop at the burger joint, treat ourselves to something yarny, go visit Myra, take pictures ME TIME!!

Linda Cannon said...

I guess because I am much older than you I "get" what you are saying. You want to run away for 24-48 hours and just sit and vegetate. Nobody to ask you to do anything and nothing to worry about. I envy people who get to do that and there are those who do, and then there are those of us who have to keep on plugging on. The only thing that worked for me was what everybody now calls journaling.(sp) I wrote it all down and then let it go. Maybe that will help. Sometimes life is just way too overwhelming. At least you mother gets it. You are blessed with her.

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