Just Knit

Some days you just need to sit down and knit. 
Yes you have a list a mile long of things that need to get done. 
Have to get done. 
Must get done in order to move forward with other plans. 

I'm having one of those days. 
I'm having a 'crazy' day. 
My head feels crazy. 

I have these days. 
Not a lot, but from time to time.  

Days where I know I'm teetering on the rails. 
Trying to regroup and pull myself back on the tracks. 
I can feel them building up during the week but keep putting it off because I don't have time. 

I'm the type of crazy that needs to pencil in a breakdown day. 

I don't have time though and what happens is what is happening now... I shut down and just need to be. 

Poor D. He has to deal with me during these moments. 
The hardest part is that I can't articulate verbally what's happening in my head. 
You want someone to understand but you can't explain how you want them to understand. 

I was puttering around trying to reel in the floopy in my head and I thought to myself 

'sit your ass down' 

Just sit down and knit a few rows. 
Have a moment of one thing that makes you calm. 
Then try again. 

So I sit here on a Sunday in May. 
It's cold, overcast and rainy outside. 
Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast is playing (we can delve into that another time but I highly recommend listening to every episode of this podcast. It's amazing) 
I'm knitting a new pullover for me to wear this fall. Although if I had it done I would be wearing it today. 
Bulky weight yarn. 
Top down sweater. 
Snoring dogs on the couch. 
Car race on the tv downstairs (D is sheltering in place right now) 

Knitting a few quiet rounds of stockinette does wonders to bring my mind back where I can deal with it. 

I can think about what I want to do next. 
I can formulate a plan on what I need to do this week. 
I can think about the projects I need to get done. 

I can finally block my Churchmouse Poncho, seam it and knit the cowl on it. Then I can wear it in Pacific Grove in two weeks. 
I can block my Twiggy Cardigan and finally sew my special buttons on it and wear it next fall. 
I can finish my tweed pullover vest and sew my Mr. Brown buttons on it and wear it this fall. 

For now though, I will sit and knit, and pull the crazy back in a little bit. 

Happy Sunday. 


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